50 States of McMansion Hell: Harford County, Maryland
Greetings, Friends, from my current state of residence, Maryland. Today’s estate is in the…extremely special…place known as Harford County. Perhaps the best thing to come out of Harford County is my partner, who said, in no uncertain terms, “roast that place to the ground.”
Oh, I will - I will.
This extremely dank 2010 McMansion boasts 4 beds and 5 baths, clocking in at a reasonable <7500 square feet. It can be yours for about $1.2 million USD, aka a total rip off because, come on, look at it.
LAWYER FOYER: EXECUTIVE EDITION
BUT WAIT. JUST WAIT.
BEHOLD: DAISY CHAINED CHANDELIERS!!!!!!!
Sometimes I get emails that say “these houses are all obviously staged” as if rich people don’t actually have the worst taste ever despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Yes, sometimes these houses are staged. Sometimes they’re staged…badly. Behold.
Dining Room
According to my partner, who, conveniently A) is sitting next to me and B) teaches high-level college math, one needs at least Calculus III in order to calculate the internal volume of this room. I highly doubt that level of thinking went into building this in the first place, because, well, look at it.
Kitchen
rest in peace, gentle giant.
Also, knowing Japan, The Adventures of Mr. Fridge is probably a thing that exists in this world.
Living Room
Guess they wasted all that ceiling height on their absurd chandelier folly. I guess it’s time to make living rooms great rooms again? no.
Master Bedroom
hey, at least there’s some biodiversity left now that Trump decided to pull out of the Paris Agreement. (weeps deeply while taking shots of gin)
Master Bathroom
Um, are you trying to tell me you don’t have a bathing plate????
Bedroom 2
I’m pretty sure that if a McMansion were capable of writing poetry, this is the highest level of abstraction and/or depth it would be able to achieve.
Also shoutout to the Realtors™ who email me saying they have to resist saying McMansion Hell tropes irl.
Bedroom 3
the light is proportional to the likelihood of this house ever getting sold.
Sitting Room 2
Like, why aren’t stagers just google searching apartment therapy dot com ? Succulents probably make a house 10,000x more likely to sell.
The Bar
lol is spike tv still a thing? i’m a millennial who blogs for a living, as if i could afford cable tv lol.
Sitting Room 3
Current Mood: that table.
Alas, alas, our tour has come to an end, but don’t worry…
the rear exterior is.
.
.
, extremely good.
Rear Exterior
Allow me a moment of juvenilia. I am not above such things.
Well, that does it for Maryland! Stay tuned for a good ol’ rousing theory smackdown featuring Edmund “Pain and Danger” Burke vs p much everyone else on Monday, and next Thursday’s Massachusetts McMansion!
Happy Weekend!
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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate Zillow.com and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)