Hello Friends! One last Thursday post for old time’s sake. This house comes from a fan email (ty Grace) and boy oh boy am I glad because this house is a gift. (In the same way that lighting a bag of poop on fire in front of your neighbor’s doorstep is a gift.)
This lovely 5 bedroom 11 bathroom house (built in 1992 and remodeled in 2010) can be yours for the low price of around $1.1 million USD!
The Happy Meal of Shame™®
Draft Level: Vietnam.
(OK was that a bad joke? I’m sorry.)
Sitting Room Alpha
Alternative Fabric Swatch: mercury-laced thin mint
HOLY KITCHEN, BATMAN
Foursinkistan? Canlightistan?
So many mystery appliances here. I’m sure somebody will know what those things are adjacent to the stove.
Le Lounge
Pretty sure I’ve seen those sofas on a Carnival cruise. Also, is there such a thing as architect slash fiction? I mean it is the internet??? Would I read it? Curiosity would def get the best of me.
Sitting Room Beta
Alternative niche level: non-Bartok viola concerti
Somewhere
ARCHITECTURE JOKE <man, I didn’t know Peter Eisenman had houses in Cheshire.> ARCHITECTURE JOKE
reference:
Peter Eisenman, House III (1971). Via @aqqindex (one of my FAV BLOGS EVER GO FOLLOW)
Bedroom 1
Hey, my bedroom in my parents’ house was the same color! Also having crap cable management will make you unattractive to potential romantic partners.
Presumably Master Bedroom
DISGUSTING.
Presumably Master Bath
High school kids: you will miss thumbtacks. Also risk of electrocution in this room appears high.
LUXURY FLOOR ROT IMMINENT
Bathroom 2/11 (sadly few bathrooms were pictured.)
what is even happening in this trainwreck?
BEST BEDROOM
INITIALIZE
Finally, this brings us to our lovely Rear Elevation:
The more I look at it, the more I am filled with anger and despair.
Well, that does it for Certified Dank, CT. Stay tuned for Sunday’s McMansion Hell: UK edition! (If you’re on Twitter, pls feel free to tweet me UK McMansions @mcmansionhell - I respond faster that way.)
Hello Friends! 2016 is almost over - but fear not! It was a really boring year for interior design - the most boring of the decade, in my humble opinion. (to be fair, nothing can top 2015′s Memphis-Milano revival but w/e)
I have scoured through this year’s HGTV, House Beautiful, and Elle Decor magazines to put together the most generic rooms ever a la 2k16.
Kitchens
Traditional White Kitchen™
Man, 2016 was a great year for nothing except for maybe white kitchens, which dominated the scene. Over 54% of all kitchens observed in popular magazines were white kitchens. Anyone who has ever dealt with small children understands their fatal flaw. Still, the white kitchen is timeless.
The Sleek Modern® Kitchen
We seemed to have exited the Mid-Century modern craze that dominated 2015, replacing it with a more pared-down modernism. Also the non-granite countertop saw a huge push through in 2016! This is positive, because we have had over 15 years of granite obsession.
Funky Eclectic Kitchen™
I never want to hear the word ‘eclectic’ again. It’s been a stand in for “add random clutter to your life” for an entire year. Also be sure to paint all of your wood surfaces even though it is irreversible and difficult to maintain!
Dining Rooms
The Fun and Eclectic Dinette
Guess what is in? NOT MATCHING. If you match anything ever, get BACK TO 2015!
SLEEK COOL AND METALLIC DINING ROOM
Every restaurant in North Carolina has these chairs.
Living Room
Remember: you have to have some sort of gray on your wall or you’re probably a fascist or something.
Bathrooms
Pared-Down 40s Revival Bathroom
Everything has to be white - except for the tile floor which has to be some variant of dark blue and also vaguely Moroccan/Arabic in aesthetic because it’s 2016.
ALL NATURAL WOOD BATHROOM
I saw this idea in so many magazines, probably because shiplap is so popular (apparently it’s the 30s) - gluing wood floor to your walls. It’s very very dark.
WEALTHY POTTERY-BARN TEEN GIRL ROOM
girls follow the trendz and this is no exception.
WEALTHY POTTERY BARN YOUNG GIRL ROOM
The metal-frame beds are back in style and in full force. Also chandeliers in bedrooms and MIRRORED FURNITURE.
Boy’s Room
People who appreciate Scandinavian-inspired design: - me (x) kids
That’s it for the trends! And yes, I did design all of these rooms in Roomstyler just for this post. It was very arduous. Say thank you.
Before I get any “but actually this is nice” emails, I’m an equal opportunity hater here, just for fairness. I like a lot of the trends myself (I won’t say which ones out of fairness). I did my best in these designs to streamline a whole year’s worth of magazines before I cut them apart into collages.
Stay tuned for Thursday’s McMansion of the Week in Arkansas, and for Sunday’s Best and Worst of McMansionHell retrospective!
