Howdy Folks! Today’s house comes to us from Iredell County, North Carolina, and trust me, it is quite a doozy - just in time for Valentines Day, too! If you don’t fall in love with it, I don’t know what to tell you.
This 5300 square foot, 4 bedroom, 4.5 bath house, comes in at $625,000, making it more of a bargain than most McMansions usually are, and while the Tudors never came to America, a place that had not yet been “discovered” by the time the Tudors were in power in England, fear not - for all the repression and stuffiness of 15th century Britain can still be found within these darkened doors.
Lawyer Foyer
If your house doesn’t constantly give off I AM MARRIED vibes, your spouse might start having indecent thoughts. One must stay vigilant at all times.
Dining Room
Look, hutches are good storage, okay. Sturdy. We as a generation (millennials) need to get back into knickknacks. Minimalism is dead. Long live kitsch.
Living Room
Honestly, this house is so dark and repressed it makes high school me look like a libertine.
Kitchen
“What do you mean ‘dopeness’ isn’t a qualifier for granting a property historical landmark status?”
Main Bedroom
Love is in the air. Also the air is really, really stale in here right now.
Bathroom
If your bathroom doesn’t emulate a luxuriant grotto, wyd???
Bedroom 2
please, my floor ducks, they are so cold,,,,
Sunroom
I have got to stop using epic ironically. I already lived through 2008 once.
That’s it for the interior! Let’s just step outside for a quick breather…
Rear Exterior
Well, I hope you had a good time traipsing through what can only be described as a treasure trove of different matching fabrics. Be sure to stick around for the next part of “Underground” which is coming your way shortly!
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Hello Friends! Today is one of my special posts, from a very special state - the state I’m from! Originally, I was going to do one house, like I usually do, but as I scrolled through pages of incredible architectural mishaps, I realized I wouldn’t be doing my the capital county of my special state justice. Fortunately, for you, you get ten special eyesores - North Cackalacky Style!
10
The best part of this house is that the side-house would be cute and normal, should one decide to trim the roof down to size.
9
Fun Fact: the French word “chateau” means “large French country house, or castle, usually with a winery attached.” It does not mean “Large American Suburban house with a basement wine cellar complete with signs that say ‘Wine Time’ just in case you didn’t get the memo.”
8
Sometimes I forget that pinestraw is used as a landscaping material because there are no pine trees in Baltimore able to grace their immediate area with their prickly brown bounty. Also, I wonder why so many houses in NC had the copper-topped bay window, especially 2000-2006? If I did, there’d be a paper on it.
7
Full Level Pringles Can: The Movie: (doom anime sound/visual effects, but it’s just this house sitting there, but anime)
(scoffing voice) I bet they changed the look to Tudor right after Kate Middleton got engaged.
6
Me, yelling at contractor: I DON’T CARE HOW YOU DO IT BUT I NEED MY STAIRCASE TURRET
Also the best part is all the turret rooflines have varying degrees of smushedness.
Finally, the NUMBER ONE HOUSE IN WAKE COUNTY, NORTH CAROLINA:
My only dream is that this house was self-built by a pack of wolves, and they, in fact, are having a nice time living there, thank you very much.
Well folks, that does it for North Carolina! Join us this weekend for American Foursquares, and next Tuesday for our Certified Dank™ North Dakota McMansion.
Have a great week!
If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!
Not into small donations and sick bonus content? Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store will go to help victims of the recent hurricanes.
